“You don’t have to blow out the other fellow’s light to let your own shine.” Bernard Baruch
People have often said to me, Rabbi, “What is the purpose of participating if I am not going to win?” or, “I am going to beat the poop out of him” or better yet, “I’ll show him.” Have we ever stopped and searched our hearts for where that drive to not just win, but beat our foes, opponents, competitors, comes from. Think of the word “beat.” To batter, hammer, thrash, pummel, lambaste and pound. All of this to make ourselves feel good about who we are.
I came to a place in my journey where I had to ask myself what drove me to treat myself that way as how I treated others was a reflection of how I treated myself. It was a seminal moment in my life that changed the course of my life. I was blessed with the willingness to create new images within me that allowed us both to win. I was able to see that I did not need to “beat” you for me to win. I now knew that I could design a way for both of us to get what we needed to achieve our respective goals and that this approach was going to add value to me and you simultaneously.
I think of Tiger Woods in this framework. His competition has always been internal. He has always emphasized that his greatest challenge is overcoming himself. When he does that he wins because it no longer matters what you do. It only matters to him what he does. Some of his greatest moments have been when his opponent has been at the top of their games and that has challenged him to go inside and do even better. Win or not win, he has always complimented his opponent with gratitude for helping raise the level of his own play. Wow!
I have to believe that whichever God you find meaning in will rejoice when you make this change, for it is his or her hope that you know how much you are loved and that winning starts inside me, not by “beating” you. The competition is for me to grow and win inside me. When I do, I no longer need to beat you.
My prayer for you today is that you find winning inside you so together we can be achieve our goals and build a bridge going forward.
Modern and independent Rabbi with an MSW Degree and 23 years of sobriety providing addiction counseling focusing on healing, spiritual guidance and personalized life cycle events. 
If you, a family member or friend are suffering, call me at 954-755-3764 to get the help you deserve.
Hugs and blessings for a joyous day!
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